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Funny Marriage Joke Of The Day: Husband Wants Divorce

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A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says,

“Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph.

He then says,

“I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck.

Again the wife speeds up to 80mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,”

but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to 90mph.

“All right,” he says,

“I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says,

“Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100mph, the wife smiles and says,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“The airbag.”

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Funny Joke: Wife Decides To Give Birthday Surprise To Husband

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says,

“Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Dave.

“He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated,…

A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,…

“How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says:,…

“Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else,…

But his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,…

Calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

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A Jamaican fireman…

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A Jamaican fireman…

…came home from work one day and said to his wife: “Y’know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station. Bell 1 rings – we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings – we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings – we jump on de ingine and we’s ready to go. From now on, when I says ‘Bell one’ I want you to strip naked. When I says Bell two’ you jump on de bed. When I says ‘Bell tree’ we’s gonna mek love all tru de night.”

The next night he came home and shouted ‘Bell One’ and she stripped naked. ‘Bell Two’ and she jumped on the bed. ‘Bell Tree’ and they started to make love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled out “Bell Four”.

“What de hell is ‘Bell Four’?” he asked.

She replied : “Roll out more hose, mon, you aint nowhere near de fire.”

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Stupid People Joke: Some Annoying Early Morning Joggers

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After driving for about six hours,…

a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.

As soon as he falls asleep,…

He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.

“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.

“Yeah, it’s 4:30,” answers the trucker.

He falls asleep again,…

But he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.

“It’s 4:40!” yells the trucker.

Deciding to really try to sleep a little,…

He writes on a piece of paper: I DON’T KNOW THE TIME.

He sticks the paper in his windshield.

But he is awoken again.

* * * * * * * * *

“It’s 5:25!” another jogger yells at him.

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