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Funny Naughty Joke Of The Day: Wife Likes Her Birthday Gift

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Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said:

“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides,…

she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stuck.”

His friend said:

“I have an idea! Why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it.

She’ll probably be thrilled.”

Adam decided to take his friend’s advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said:

“Well? Did you take my suggestion?”

“Yes, I did,” Adam replied.

“Did she like it?”

“Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling:…”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I’ll be back in an hour!!”

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Funny Business Joke Of The Day: How To Impress A Client

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I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.

While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle,

but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy,

I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said,

“Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”

“Yes?” He asked,

“I’m sitting right over there,”

Pointing to my seat at the bar, I continued,…

“And I’ m waiting for a very important client.

Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say,… ‘Hi Tom?’”

“Sure.” Bill agreed, with a kind smile.

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up.

We ordered a drink and we started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It Was Bill Gates. “Hi, Tom,” he said.

I replied,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Shut up, Bill, I’m in a meeting.”

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Funny Marriage Joke Of The Day: Husband Wants Divorce

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A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says,

“Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph.

He then says,

“I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck.

Again the wife speeds up to 80mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,”

but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to 90mph.

“All right,” he says,

“I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says,

“Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100mph, the wife smiles and says,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“The airbag.”

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A ship at sea was approached by 2 pirate ships…

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A ship at sea was approached by 2 pirate ships…

The captain of the ship tells his men to get ready for battle, and orders his first mate to go get his red shirt.

After they defeated the pirate ship the first mate approaches the captain and asks “captain why did you want me to get you a red shirt?is it a lucky shirt?”

The captain answered “I wanted the red shirt so that if I was injured during battle you and the rest of the crew wouldn’t see me bleeding and become afraid.”

The men were amazed by his answer

A few days later they were approached by 5 pirate ships. The first mate running to his captain asked “should I get you your red shirt?”

The captain calmly answered,” No, I will need my brown pants.”

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