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Funny Old Man Joke: Elderly Farmer Heard Female Voices From Pond

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An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard.

One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man thought for a second and said,

‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator!’

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home one day when there’s a knock at the door,

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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home one day when there’s a knock at the door,

Mandela opens the door and there’s a Japanese man standing there, Mandela asks him what he wants and the Japanese guy says he has the cars for him. Mandela says he didn’t order any cars but the Japanese guy is insistent and points to the fully loaded car transporter outside. Mandela again, argues that he didn’t order any cars, the two continue arguing for some time until eventually the Japanese guy storms off to his truck to get the paperwork. He comes back waving the papers in Nelsons face, see he says “you are Nissan main dealer!”.

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A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck

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A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck

The redneck tells him: “Why don’t y’all like guns? They’re completely safe! See, I have mine in my safe next to my bed, I know the passcode so well I can take my gun and kill any intruder in half a second!”

The Londoner replies: “Really? Is it truly that safe?”

The redneck replies: “Sure! I’ll give you as much time as you want to crack the safe! If you do it, I’ll give you some of that tea stuff y’all seem to like!”

The Londoner, excited by this offer agrees, after a few seconds the Londoner already cracked the safe.

The redneck, comes out in anger and yells: “How the hell did you find the passcode so quickly? Are you a bank robber?”

“No.” Replies the Londoner: “I’m a historian, and I just guessed correctly that your passcode, is 1776.”

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A guy is eating breakfast with his wife….

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A guy is eating breakfast with his wife….

When he hears a knock at the door, he gets up and opens the door and sees two people

“You need to be saved!” the first person at the door says

“Get outta here with that bullsh*t” the guy says

“But sir, if you don’t get saved, you’ll burn!” the second person says

“I don’t give a rats ass, now scram!”

The guy slams the door, goes back to the table and opens his newspaper

“Who was at the door, dear?” His wife asked

“A couple of fireman”

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