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Funny Story Joke: A Man Looking For the Perfect Woman

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Adam, a very good looking successful man decided that it was his birthright to marry only a perfect and equally beautiful woman so that they would produce equally beautiful offspring.

To achieve his goal, Adam went out to explore the world and look for the woman who would meet his high standards and with whom he could spend the rest of his life.

After many months of searching on every continent, Adam came to a small farm in Switzerland and asked to stay there.

The widowed farmer warmly brought Adam home and introduced him to his three daughters.

When they entered the room, Adam was astonished by their beauty …

Each of the three daughters of the farmer was extraordinarily beautiful, and Adam decided that one of them would be his intended wife.

In the evening he told the farmer about his plans, and the happy father agreed that Adam would go on a date with each of his daughters to choose the one he liked best.

After meeting her first daughter, Adam approached her father and said:

“She is really beautiful, but she has slightly crooked toes, it’s barely noticeable, but she is not for me.”

The father only shook his head, and the next evening Adam went out to meet his second daughter.

When they returned, he told her father:

“She is really beautiful but has a barely noticeable lazy eye, so she is not for me.”

On the third evening, Adam went out with the third daughter and when he returned he said to the father,

“She’s perfect, she’s all I was looking for and I have to marry her right away!”

The wedding was planned quickly, and a few months later, Adam’s long-awaited firstborn was born.

The new father came into the hospital room expecting to see his perfect offspring and was shocked when he saw that his child was hairy, ugly and not at all like him.

“How can it be???” he said to his father in law, standing next to him, “His mother and I are so beautiful!”

“Well,” replied the father in law, “she’s beautiful, but she was a bit pregnant when you met… really, barely noticeable…”

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Funny Corny Husband Wife Short Joke: Weight Watchers

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Mrs. Speidell, who was a little on the chubby side,

Was at her weight-watchers meeting.

“My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure.”

she lamented to the woman next to her.

“Well,” the lady replied,

“What’s wrong with that?”

* * * * * * * *

“He likes to do it while I’m stuck at these damn meetings.”

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Funny Clean Health Joke: Doctor v/s Elderly Woman’s Demand

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Joke Title: 20 Years

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.

“Doctor,” she pleaded with her cardiologist,

“You must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild’s bar mitzvah.”

“We’ll try,” he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor.

“My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding.”

“We’ll do our best,” he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter’s wedding.

Ten years passed.

Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously.

One morning she called him. “Doctor,” she began,

“I’m feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson’s bar mitzvah?”

“Yes.”

“And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter’s wedding?”

“Yes.”

“Well, as you know I’ve just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress.”

“Yes?”

* * * * * * * *

“It has a 20-year guarantee…”

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Husband Wife Simple Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time

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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,..

so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered,

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

* * * * * * * *

“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

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