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Funny Stupid Wife Joke: I Want A Divorce… Judge: Really?

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A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks,

“What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said,

“I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,”

she responded.

“I mean,” he continued,

“what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked,

“Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again,

“is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked,

“Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,

“Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.

“I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

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Why is 6 afraid of 7?

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Why is 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. Perhaps this was because 6 was putting himself before 7 all the time, or because 7 considered himself above 6. 6 always preferred the company of 4 anyway, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. He never had an issue with 1, who usually sat alone in a corner, always keeping to himself. While 4 enjoyed the company of 6, he always found more meaning in life when paired up with 2. Sometimes 2 would go join 1, though that never made 1 any better, just multiplied his problems. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house and discovered the truth. While 7 slept, only a single door the difference between them. 6 imagined a million things he might find there, but 6 never factored in a terrible possibility. He found the proof 7’s ravenous ways: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal…. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows… And promptly solve his problem.

Cause you see… 6 knows that 7 8 9.

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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