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Funnyly Dirty Marriage Bad Joke Of The Day: Cheating Wife

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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender,

“I’m so pissed off!”

“Oh yeah? What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home.

We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband came in the front door.

So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!”

“Gee, that’s tough,” commiserated the bartender.

“Right, but that’s not what really got me,” the customer went on.

“When her husband came into the room he said:

“Hey great! You’re naked already! Let me just take a leak.”

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn’t piss out the window right onto my head?”

“Yeech!” the bartender shook his head.

“No wonder you’re in a lousy mood.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.

And where does it land? My damned forehead!”

“Damn, that’s awful!” says the bartender.

“Oh, I’m not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump.

It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!”

The bartender paled. “That would sure mess up my day.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” the fellow rattled on,

“But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off?

* * * * * * * *

When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground.”

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Young Boy V/S Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?

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A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.

A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

“Is your Dad home”? the farmer asked.

“Sorry mate, he isn’t” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the farmer, “Is your mum here”?

“No, sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Greg? Is he here”?

“He went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for ya”?

the boy asked politely.

“I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably,

“I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment.

“You’d have to talk to Dad about that,” he finally conceded.

* * * * * * * * * *

“If it helps you any,… I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Greg.”

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Funny Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old

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After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The fairy godmother replied,

“Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”

The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

“I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

“You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,

“I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,

“Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.

He held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

* * * * * * *

“Bet you’re sorry you had me castrated.”

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A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle

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A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle

A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle. The clerk tells him he has just sold his last one. But if he wants to, he can take the cat, which should also accomplish the same goal of keeping his bed warm. The man agrees and goes home with the cat.

The next day the man goes back to store with scratches all over his body. The clerk, shocked, asks the man what had happened with the cat. The man replies: “Well, it was fine at first, he even managed to endure the funnel up his ass… But when it came to the hot water…”

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