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Good Clean Joke: Smart Millionaire & His Much Younger Bride

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A 60-year-old millionaire was getting married and threw a big wedding reception.

The big day arrived, and he got married to his stunning 23-year-old bride in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion.

Champagne was flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting about serving the finest hors-d’oeuvres in the land.

Naturally, the millionaire’s less wealthy friends couldn’t help but feel jealous.

In a quiet moment, one of them asked him how he landed such a young beauty.

“Simple,” grinned the millionaire,

“I faked my age.’

His friends were really amazed and asked him how old he said he was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“87!” he replied.

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Funny Mom V/S Daughter Best Naughty Joke: Driver’s License

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A mother is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.

“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied.

“It’s not polite.”

“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do! you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says,

“those are personal questions and are really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks,

“Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!”

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” says the friend,

“all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.”

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

“I know how old you are, you are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks,

“How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.”

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly,

“I also know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks.

“Why?”

* * * * * * * * *

“Because you got an “F” in sex.”

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Funny Catholic Humor Joke: Nervous New Priest V/S Vodka

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say ” Eat me”.

The Virgin Mary is not called ” Mary with the Cherry,.

The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

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Funny Simple Marriage Joke Of The Day: Jealous Husband

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A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife.

The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video.

They sat down together to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!

He saw the two of them laughing in the park.

He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.

He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.

He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

“I just can’t believe this,” the distraught husband said.

The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!”

The husband replied,

* * * * * * * * *

“I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun!”

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