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Good Clean Joke: Smart Millionaire & His Much Younger Bride

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A 60-year-old millionaire was getting married and threw a big wedding reception.

The big day arrived, and he got married to his stunning 23-year-old bride in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion.

Champagne was flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting about serving the finest hors-d’oeuvres in the land.

Naturally, the millionaire’s less wealthy friends couldn’t help but feel jealous.

In a quiet moment, one of them asked him how he landed such a young beauty.

“Simple,” grinned the millionaire,

“I faked my age.’

His friends were really amazed and asked him how old he said he was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“87!” he replied.

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Funny Doctor Joke: Naughty Husband Wife & Toilet Seat Prank

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A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.

The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.

She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.

She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament.

The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?”

“Well, yes,” the doctor replies,

* * * * * * *

“but not framed like that.”

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Bad Lawyer Joke: Deaf Book-Keeper, Stolen Money And Mafia

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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place,

Since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks,

He takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper:

“Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back:

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather:

“He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper’s temple, cocks it up and says:

“Ask him again!”

The attorney signs to the underling:

“He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”

The book-keeper signs back:

“OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

The Godfather asks the lawyer:

“Well, what’d he say?”

The lawyer replies:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.!!”

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This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…

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This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…

He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”

So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.

He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”

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