Connect with us

Jokes

Had a weird dream last night.

Published

on

Had a weird dream last night.

I had died and met St.Peter at the Pearly Gates and he told me to go to room 101.There I will receive my punishment for all the sins I had committed in my life.I opened the door and to my amazement saw my good friend,Bob,making love to a fat,ugly woman.I shook my head and went back to see St. Peter.After telling him what I saw he said,”Well Bob done some bad things in life and that’s his punishment.Go to room 201.I did and when I opened the door,oh my God,I saw my buddy, Al, making love to a woman twice as ugly as the one Bob was making love to.I shut the door,shook my head, and got the dry heaves,and went back to St. Peter and told him what I saw.”Well Al done some terrible things in his life and that’s his punishment.Go to room 301.I did,and as I slowly turned the knob to the door,(it’s not coming very easily at this point)to open it,I slowly raise my eye lids and remove my hands, and, lo and behold,to my amazement,I just couldn’t believe.Wow,it was my big brother Rick,making love to the most beautiful woman I have seen in my entire life.Soft ,supple,skin.Long,flowing,magical,hair.Legs,ah the legs.Long,slender, magnificent.As I shut the door I couldn’t believe,Rick,with such a woman.I went back and told Pete,”Hey Pete,wrong room again,but I saw my brother with the most beautiful woman in the world.Miss America couldn’t hold a candle to such a woman.Stunning,simply stunning.Peter replied,”Well,that woman done some terrible things in her life and that’s her punishment.”

Jokes

Dirty Pharmacy Joke Of The Day: Deaf Guys Buying Condom

Published

on

Two deaf guys are trying to buy some condoms, but the pharmacist does not read sign.

Frustrated they go outside to figure out a way to make him understand what they want.

Finally one of the guys gets an idea, goes into the pharmacy, whips out his member and lays his money beside it on the counter.

The pharmacist looks around to make sure no other customers are in the store, then he whips out his member and takes the money.

The guy goes out and signs the event to his friend.

The friend goes in to the pharmacy and comes out about five minutes later.

The first guy signs asking if he got the condoms.

* * * * * * * *

The second guy signs back, “No, but I got your money back.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

Published

on

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replied with a heavy sigh, ‘The ceilings here are too low and the young local people from around here can jump so high that they keep hitting the ceiling! What on earth am I supposed to do and what happens if the roof cracks!?’

The answer seemed simple to me, ‘Surely with all this money coming in you can pay someone to raise the ceiling – you must have enough to pay it off…’

He replied, still disheartened, ‘That may be true, but we’ve had an influx of visitors from across the border in Prague – they don’t tip well and I barely even break even when they come around!’

Resigned to his fate, taking a deep breath and looking down, he said to me: ‘The amount of local visitors may be through the roof but the Czechs keep bouncing.’

Continue Reading

Jokes

Funny IT Humor Computer Joke: Bill Gate’s New Microsoft Car Operating System

Published

on

Bill Gate’s company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car.

Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, “Are you sure you really want to stop?”

Before Bill could enter “Yes”, there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting “F1! F1!” but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, “An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed.” Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him,

“You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell.”

Bill pleaded, “I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

Continue Reading

Trending