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HR Manager V/S St. Peter: Funny Office Recruitment Joke

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Joke Title: HR Processes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died.

Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter.

“Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem.

You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders.

What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman

“Sorry, we have rules…”

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.

In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.

They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.

She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.

She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,”

The woman paused for a second and then replied,

“Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.

She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman,

“Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.

Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her smiled and told…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.”

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Husband Wife Short Joke Of The Day: How To Enjoy Sunday?

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Husband [:D] Darling, my sweet heart I will be enjoying this Sunday.

Wife: How?

Husband: I bought three tickets for the movie.

Wife: thats great, but we are two, why you bought three tickets ???

* * * * * * *

Husband: Darling one for you, one for your mother and one for your brother. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Clean Office Joke: Man Goes Into A Pet Shop To Buy A Monkey

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00,…

because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.

Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00

Needles to say this begs the question.

What can it do?

To which the owner replies:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS.”

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Really Funny Clean Old Age Joke Of The Day: Shameless Visitor

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The Grandmother of a just got married grandson phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma.

The delighted Grandma started giving instructions how to come to their high rise colony retirement Apartment.

She started blabbering,

“When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule,

My son there is a push button, push it with your Elbow, I will hear and open the door from my apartment for you.

You will hear the pi……pi buzz.

You push the door with your Elbow and open. Enter and walk to the Elevator.

Push the UP button with your Elbow and elevator opens. Enter.

Push the #4 button with your Elbow carefully and elevator comes to fourth floor.

Walk to the room number 420 and push the button with your Elbow. I will open the door for you.”

The polite grand son said,

“Dear Grand Ma, my wife and I can handle all these, we have been born here. Don’t worry.

But explain one thing, why do you want me to push all the buttons with my Elbow.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The Grandma yelled, “What? Shameless, are you coming without gifts in your hands for Grandma?”

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