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Husband Wife Naughty Conversation Joke: Seasonal Excitement

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A statue of a Macho athlete was displayed in a Museum.

Husband and Wife came walking there appreciating and arguing everything they saw so far.

Husband would not let wife win the battles of wits.

So wife relaxed watching this nude statue with just a couple of leaves to cover its privates, hoping husband goes to other displays.

The husband says, “Marvelous, but really darling there is not much to appreciate here. What is it that you are waiting for?”

* * * * * * *

Wife says, “Dear, the season when the Leaves Fall.”

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Funny Clean Smart Father Joke Of The Day: Think Positive

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This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son.

Father: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”

Son: “I will choose my own bride!”

Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”

Son: “Well, in that case…ok”

Next – Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: “I have a husband for your daughter.”

Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”

Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”

Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case…ok”

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”

President: “But I already have more vice – presidents than I need!”

Father: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”

President: “Ah, in that case… ok”

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive. Think Positive.

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So I was just starting to play Harry Potter – Wizards Unite…

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So I was just starting to play Harry Potter – Wizards Unite…

…and was walking down the street. I noticed a young lady at the bus stop was also playing, which sparked a small conversation. She was very cute, maybe in her early 20s. She was telling me all about the professions you can pick from because she just hit level six. I was only level four so it was exciting to hear about a part of the game I have yet to unlock. But suddenly the conversation took a turn, and things started getting weird…

She goes on to explain in great detail as to why she does not have her wallet and is unable to pay for the bus ticket. Evidently she had an unstable living situation and had to flee her home with just the clothing on her back and her phone. Her story seemed legit, so I asked her how much the ticket was.

“It’ll be about $3.50.” she replies.

It was about at that time I realized that she was not at all the young lady I thought she was, but rather an eighty foot tall crustacean from the pedadoic era.

“God damnit Loch Ness monster, you ain’t getting my tree fiddy today” I proclaim as I storm off.

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Best Non-Veg Joke: Pregnant Wife V/S Husband’s Labor Pain

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A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth.

The doctor told them that he’d developed a new machine and asked if they’d like to try it.

The machine would take some of the woman’s pain away and give it to the father there by easing the mothers burden.

The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed to give it a try.

The Doctor set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 10% was still probably more pain than he had ever felt.

The man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked for it to be increased.

The doctor turned it up to 20% with the same results.

This trend continued until the machine was set at 100%.

After the delivery both mother and father felt fine.

The wife was relieved at having an almost painless labor and the father was still amazed at how little pain was actually involved.

Later, when they took the baby home,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

They found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

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