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Jimmy’s birthday present

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Jimmy’s birthday present

Jimmy comes from a small rural town, born to a family with very little money. Every year for his birthday, his parents tried to do something special for him.

On his 5th birthday, his father sits him down and says, “Well Jimmy, it’s your birthday soon. Now, you know we don’t have much, but I still want to get you something for your birthday. So, let me know what you want, and maybe we can see if we can get it for you.”

Jimmy thinks for a moment and says, “You know Dad, what I REALLY want, is a toy tractor. I just love tractors!” His father gives a knowing smile, and responds with, “Well, we’ll see what happens come your birthday” and heads off for the days work.

Jimmy’s birthday comes around and lo and behold, in the morning, there’s a small package at the bottom of his bed. Barely containing his excitement, he rips it open to see there’s a small tractor! He runs downstairs to the playroom, and spends his morning playing with it, his mother coming in and reminding him to get ready for school. At school he can barely contain his excitement, when school ends he rushes home to play with his tractors again.

Everyday he rushes home after school to play with it, spending all his spare time with it in the weekend.

Jimmy loves his little tractor.

A year goes by, and it’s time for his birthday again. His father sits him down, and gives him the same old speech about not having much, but wanting to get him something nice. “Well, Dad, I really love the tractor that you got me last year, but can I get another one? Maybe a little different, or bigger?” His Dad smiles knowingly again, and heads off to tend the fields.

Jimmy’s wakes on his 6th birthday to see a package at the foot of his bed. He rips it open and finds another tractor! A little bigger, a little better. Jimmy plays with it all morning, then again after school, and again the next day.. and the next.

This continues through his childhood, and his teenage years. Every year the tractor at the end of the bed is a little bigger, a little better. Eventually Jimmy turns 16. He’s got himself a job, fixing tractors! Jimmy loves the work, and starts using his pay to collect old tractors. He spends all his spare time playing with them, fixing them up, rebuilding the engines and using his experience to restore them to their original grandeur.

His hard work pays off, with his collection growing and growing until he starts a small tractor museum in his nearby town.

Jimmy gets a little older and after a few short relationships, finally meets a gal who seems to be right for him. Jane loves Jimmy, and he loves her. Everything is perfect, they are great for each other and eventually, Jimmy uses the proceeds from his tractor museum to buy Jane an engagement ring.

He takes her out to the nicest restaurant in the nearby town, and after dessert, brings out the ring for her, falling to his knees and asking her to marry him.

Jane looks shocked for a moment, happy and surprised. Then an odd look occurs on her face. “Jimmy, look, you know I love you. I love you with all my heart. But I don’t think I can say yes, because.. of.. well.. the tractors. I can’t stand them, I can’t stand the smell, the noise, or the sight of them!”

Jimmy takes a moment to process this, he’s heartbroken in a way, but stays there for a moment, kneeling on the floor of the restaurant, and realises, Jane is far more important to him. He can find another way to make a living, and she brings him so much joy, he won’t need the tractors. “Jane, my love, it’s hard for me, but I really absolutely truly love you and want to be with you. I’ll get rid of the tractors”.

Jane jumps with excitement, “Yes, then, yes! A hundred times yes!!”

Jimmy and Jane carry on with their lives, spending their spare time together planning for their wedding. Jimmy sells his collection of tractors, ending up with an incredible nest egg. Some of the tractors were very rare, collectors were delighted with them!. After setting a date for the wedding, Jimmy finally sells the last of the tractors, ends the lease on the building for the museum and is free of the tractors for good!

A few months later the wedding is finally here! Jimmy and Jane’s family and friends all gathered in the local town hall to celebrate their union. After the ceremony and the speeches, the guests all start dancing following the bride and groom.

Later into the night, with everyone happy, dancing and a little tipsy, all of a sudden there is an issue with the air conditioning. The vents all start pumping dark, toxic gas into the room at an alarming rate. The guests rush to the exits, only to find the doors not working. They’re all stuck, with nothing they can do.

One of the guests manages to crack a window a couple of inches, but all the windows are broken as well. Nobody can escape. People start lying on the floor, trying to avoid the toxic gas.

Jimmy looks around in shock, wondering what to do, Jane is on the floor beside him, tugging on his pants, trying to get him out of the smoke and gas.

Jimmy looks down at her, smiles, looks back up, and then pulls in the deepest breath he possibly can, filling his lungs. He runs to the window that the guest managed to open, then empties his lungs into the world outside. He turns into the room again and breathes in, filling his lungs, then turns and blows it all out the window.

Jimmy stands there, breathing in and bellowing endlessly out the window. The AC units eventually stop pumping the gas, but he keeps going, clearing the remaining gas from the room.

The room is finally safe, clear of the toxic gas and smoke. The guests start standing up, slowly walking towards him, coughing and spluttering, able to breathe again. Crowding around him, thanking him, hugging him and praising him. Jimmy smiles, glad he was able to save his friends, until finally one guest asks him – “How did you DO THAT?!”

Jimmy looks at Jane and smiles, looks back to his family and friends and says, “Well, I’m an ex-tractor fan”.

Jokes

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

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A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

“Twenty bucks,” she says.

He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”

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Jokes

How to get free groceries

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How to get free groceries

So the other day I was at Walmart. This lady said to me that I looked like her dead son. I felt pretty wierd about it but kept shopping, right as i was about to checkout I saw her again and she said that I really looked like her son and if it didn’t mean much “can you give me a hug and say I love you mom, since he has bean dead for 2 years. Well it was mothers day so I was feeling bad and decided why not after all it is mother’s day. So I gave a hug said I love you mom then she went in line in front of me. When I checked out the cashier said your total is 263.87$ I WAS CONFUSED I ONLY BOUGHT POKÉMON CARDS AND SOME RAHMAN NOODLES!!!

I asked why and she said that “my mom said I was paying for her” I was mad so i left my stuff and ran to the parking lot to go find her. I did she was ignoring me so i when she got in her car i opened the driver side door and started pulling on her leg I SHIT YOU NOT the leg was wooden and fell off. So i pulled the other leg, but i didn’t pull it harder then i was pulling yours.

Edit:so i am at the understanding of the comments that i cant type grammer so please correct me in the reply thingies

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So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

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So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

It was an eyesore, but she couldn’t handle it herself. I was still in college, so on a long weekend, I loaded all the guys I could in my car, drove the 11 hours home. We borrowed a truck, backed it right up, and tried to lift it. We couldn’t move it.

So I called in all the old high school friends I could reach. It still wouldn’t budge.

So we get scientific, try to wedge a metal beam from the garage under it, and slip an old tool chest in as a fulcrum, hoping to pry it loose. The beam bends, and the tool chest actually snaps.

By now, it’s been a few hours, most of the group is ready to give up, and the pizza and drinks I’d offered and running out, when I see Nate pull in next door. He was our neighbor’s son, rarely showed up to visit her, but felt like a godsend at that moment.

I convinced myself one more man would make a difference, which seems a little less crazy when you know Nate. He’s 6’8″, and pure muscle. He holds back when shaking hands so he doesn’t hurt people, and still feels like he’s going to crush you hand. He grabbed me by the arm to pull me out of the way of a speeding car once, and they had to put the arm in a cast, because his grip broke it. Saved my life at least. Plus, Nate is a landscaper, and I figured he might have trick to help us.

So I thought with everyone and Nate, we got this. I ask Nate for help with the boulder, start waving everyone else over. Only Nate doesn’t wait for us. He just grabs the boulder and pops it up into the truck.

And that’s how I learned a valuable lesson: better Nate than lever.

°°°°°°°°°

I’ve seen the punchline here a few times, but never caught it with this set up, so thought I’d share, as it was my dad’s second favorite joke, only beat out by the string joke, which I have seen here plenty. Have a Happy Father’s Day.

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