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Joke Of The Day: A Smart Woman and A Lawyer

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A woman and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The woman, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the woman’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

“What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The woman doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

“Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the woman, and hands her $500.00.

The woman says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the woman and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the woman reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Jokes

A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar…

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A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar…

…and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them. He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!” The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.” He then turns to the second priest and says again, “I’m Jesus Christ!” Again, the second priest replies, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk man finally says, “Follow me, I’ll prove it too you!” Curious, the two priests follow behind him as he walks back into the bar. Immediately upon entering, the bartender takes one look at the man and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re here again?!”

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Magic mirror

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Magic mirror

Three ladies walked into a bar. One brunette, one redhead, and one blonde. They went to the tender and he said:” theres a magic mirror in the bathroom, if you tell the truth in front of it you will walk away with whatever you wish for. If you lie however, you will disappear forever”

The three ladies one by one went to the mirror and gave their “truths”

Brunette: I think im smart! The brunette walked out with million dollars

Redhead: My dog is my bestie.

The redhead walked out with a ticket for a life time supply of dogfood.

Blonde: I think –

poof

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Jokes

There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

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There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

“I need the car, Ma.” He would say.

“Your brother is using it for work.” She would always reply.

His brother was an up and coming comedian who was always going around to open mic nights trying to make a name for himself. Since he was working so hard, their mom tended to favor lending her car to the brother instead.

One day, the punk kid was bored and started looking through his brothers stuff looking for something to do, when he stumbled upon evidence that his brother was actually stealing content from other comedians. Shocked, the punk ran downstairs and told his mother who was equally flabbergasted.

Later that night when the brother came home, the punk kid and their mother confronted him.

“Why would you steal content from other comedians?” The kid asked.

“Yeah, its truly a horrendous thing to do, why?!” Cried their mother.

The brother looked to the two of them and laughed, holding up the car keys.

“Cause stealing jokes is the best way to get the car, Ma.”

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