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Naughty Funny Marriage Humor Joke For Women: Men Are Like

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Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?

Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

#1. Men are like,… Laxatives,… They irritate the crap out of you.

#2. Men are like,… Bananas,… The older they get, the less firm they are.

#3. Men are like,… Weather,… Nothing can be done to change them.

#4. Men are like,… Blenders,… You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.

#5. Men are like,… Chocolate Bars,… Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

#6. Men are like,… Commercials,… You can’t believe a word they say.

#7. Men are like,… Department Stores,… Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

#8. Men are like,… Government Bonds,… They take soooooooo long to mature.

#9. Men are like,… Mascara,… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

#10. Men are like,… Popcorn,… They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

#11. Men are like,… Snowstorms,… You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

#12. Men are like,… Lava Lamps,… Fun to look at, but not very bright.

#13. Men are like,… Parking Spots,… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know.

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Funny Husband Wife Clean Joke Of The Day: Men Will Be Men

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The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.

The Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher.

“Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room was very quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” asked the instructor.

* * * * * * * * *

“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

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Funny Clean Short Joke: Good Family v/s High Telephone Bill

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The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting…

Dad: People this is unacceptable.

You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mom: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

* * * * * * * *

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

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I’ve been living with a devastating chronic neck pain…

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I’ve been living with a devastating chronic neck pain…

and have never been able to do anything about it. It’s been really hard to lead a normal life. It’s so bad that if I turn my neck even the slightest to the left or right I’ll be hit by a pain so bad it can only be described as someone driving a nail through my neck.

Well as you might expect I’ve done everything I could to help relieve myself of the pain. I’ve seen every doctor, had every treatment, taken every medicine, and by God, even smoked the devil’s grass. But none of it has worked!

But recently I read an article online about a man who traveled to a monastery out in Tibet who apparently specialized in what is called “body-healing”. These are people who then, with the mind, are able to heal themselves of all sorts of problems!

So I took the chance, I decided I was going to fly out to Tibet and go see this monastery. I had nothing to lose.

After having landed in Tibet I took a cab out into the mountains and was dropped off walking distance away from the monastery. Once there I was greeted by one of the monks. He eyed me up and down and then looked me in the eyes.

“I sense a great pain coming from you, friend”, he said.

I stayed quiet as he moved his hands up and towards my neck. He grabbed a fast hold and I felt a slight pain.

“I have seen men like you before. No treatment or medicine is strong enough. But we monks have the solution.”

My eyes widened as he uttered the words – words that I will never forget:

“This is what you must do: never look back”

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