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Psychic Daughter

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Psychic Daughter

Bill is putting his young daughter to bed one night and as he walks out the bedroom door he hears her saying her prayers. She says, “God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa.”

Bill rushes back into her bedroom and asks her, “Why did you say the last part?” His daughter replies, “Because I needed to.” The next day, grandpa dies of a heart attack. Bill is worried about his daughter but thinks, “It must just be a sad coincidence.” That night he tucks his daughter into bed again and once again he hears her saying her prayers. She says, “God bless mommy and daddy, rest in peace grandma.” Bill is now really worried and thinking to himself, “Can my daughter really see into the future?” The next day, grandma dies and now Bill is convinced his daughter can predict the future. For the rest of the week nothing happens, but on the Sunday night as Bill leaves his daughter’s bedroom he waits outside and listens for any more prayers. Sure enough, he hears her say, “God bless you mommy, rest in peace daddy.” Now Bill is really panicking and thinking, ‘”Oh God, I’m going to die tomorrow!” The following day Bill is in a complete mess all day in work; a real nervous wreck. He constantly checks the clock, looks around the room and is on edge all the time expecting to die at any moment. He is so nervous that he doesn’t leave the office until it’s past midnight. Once it turns midnight he says to himself with relief, “How is this possible? I should be dead!” He goes home and walks into the house to find his wife sitting on the sofa with a scared look on her face. She asks him, “Where have you been? What took you so long?” Bill replies, “Listen honey, today I haven’t had the best of days” and he is just about to tell her what has happened when she starts crying and bursts out, “I saw the mailman die yesterday!”

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Funny Wise Rabbi In Small Town Joke: A Cow From Alberta

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The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars.

Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening;

“Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked,

“Did you buy this cow from Alberta?”

The people were dumbfounded.

They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?”

* * * * * * * * * *

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”

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Miss Wilson is teaching her class of 1st graders basic human anatomy…

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Miss Wilson is teaching her class of 1st graders basic human anatomy…

The teacher aimed her pointer at the female anatomy chart.

“Now class, does anyone know what these are called?” the teacher asked.

“I know! I know!” exclaimed the teacher’s pet, Janie, sitting in the first row. “Those are breasts! My mommy has two of those, and she says some day I will too!”

“Very good Janie, you are correct.” said the teacher. “Now,” Miss Wilson continued, aiming the pointer lower, “who can tell me what this is?”

“I know! I know!” Janie shouted. “That’s a virginia. My mommy has one and it’s where I was born!”

“Very good Janie! Only, it’s pronounced VA-GI-NA. Virginia is one of the original 13 colonies, and is now a state in our country.” Miss Wilson corrected.

Turning to the male anatomy chart, the teacher aimed her pointer and asked “Does anyone know what we call this?”

“I know! I know Miss Wilson! That’s a penis! My daddy has two of those!” Janie proclaimed.

“Well Janie, you are right, it is a penis, but unless he has a birth defect, I’m pretty sure your daddy only has one of them.” the teacher explained.

Janie stood up, defiant. “Nuh-uh Miss Wilson! I know! My daddy doesn’t have any birth effects! And he has TWO penises. He has a little one he pees with, and he has a BIG one he brushes mommy’s teeth with!”

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Funny Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date

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There was a loser who couldn’t get a date.

He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say I’m a lawyer.”

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.

After she said “No,” he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, “Oh, your a lawyer?”

He said, “Why yes I am!”

So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny he answered,

* * * * * * * *

“Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

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