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So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

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So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

It was an eyesore, but she couldn’t handle it herself. I was still in college, so on a long weekend, I loaded all the guys I could in my car, drove the 11 hours home. We borrowed a truck, backed it right up, and tried to lift it. We couldn’t move it.

So I called in all the old high school friends I could reach. It still wouldn’t budge.

So we get scientific, try to wedge a metal beam from the garage under it, and slip an old tool chest in as a fulcrum, hoping to pry it loose. The beam bends, and the tool chest actually snaps.

By now, it’s been a few hours, most of the group is ready to give up, and the pizza and drinks I’d offered and running out, when I see Nate pull in next door. He was our neighbor’s son, rarely showed up to visit her, but felt like a godsend at that moment.

I convinced myself one more man would make a difference, which seems a little less crazy when you know Nate. He’s 6’8″, and pure muscle. He holds back when shaking hands so he doesn’t hurt people, and still feels like he’s going to crush you hand. He grabbed me by the arm to pull me out of the way of a speeding car once, and they had to put the arm in a cast, because his grip broke it. Saved my life at least. Plus, Nate is a landscaper, and I figured he might have trick to help us.

So I thought with everyone and Nate, we got this. I ask Nate for help with the boulder, start waving everyone else over. Only Nate doesn’t wait for us. He just grabs the boulder and pops it up into the truck.

And that’s how I learned a valuable lesson: better Nate than lever.

°°°°°°°°°

I’ve seen the punchline here a few times, but never caught it with this set up, so thought I’d share, as it was my dad’s second favorite joke, only beat out by the string joke, which I have seen here plenty. Have a Happy Father’s Day.

Jokes

After intense partying with their friends, brother and sister got back home late at night…

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After intense partying with their friends, brother and sister got back home late at night…

Dad yells, ‘It’s two days to the exams and where on earth have you both been? Why weren’t you answering your phones?’

Daughter: I have been studying for the exams all day with my friends and had my cellphone on silent to beat the distractions. I was so exhausted that I slept on the couch and it was late when I woke up.

Dad instantly calls her friend and asks if she has seen his daughter that day. She is drunk and high and unwittingly tells the truth. The daughter is grounded.

Now, it’s the son’s turn. He repeats the same story.

Dad immediately calls his son’s friend and asks if he has seen his son that day. The friend is drunk and high but realizes what’s happening and says ‘Yep, he has been studying for the exams with us all day. Poor chap, he even slept on the couch. He was quite exhausted, do you still want me to wake him up now?’

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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

Most kids want to become a firefighter or astronaut when they’re older. This man, however, really wanted to become a train conductor. Unfortunately, he gets the job and he loves it. But one particular day, he’s enjoying his job a little too much. He’s driving too fast and accidentally derails the train, killing a passenger!

Bulgaria takes him to court and they find him guilty, sentencing him to death by electrical chair. They ask for his last words and his last meal. He didn’t have much to say, but he did ask for one banana. The executioner, surprised, gave him his banana and sat him down. He pulls the lever, sparks fly and smoke fills the room, and as it clears, he’s still sitting there..

Now, at the time Bulgaria had this superstition: if someone lives their death sentence, it has to be a sign from God. He gets a second chance and he’s back to driving trains.

He’s happy as can be, celebrating his life and things going back to normal. He had a few drinks on the job, details and kills 2 passengers this time. He goes back to court, same deal, found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. They ask for his last words, and once again he doesn’t have anything to say, but asks for 2 bananas this time. Now feeling a bit suspicious, they give him his bananas anyway. Flip the lever, smoke fills the room and sparks fly.. and to their amazement, he’s still sitting there.

Third times the charm right? Well, I guess this guy doesn’t learn his lessons. As you might’ve guessed, he killed 3 this time. The court is fed up with the guy, the people are outraged. “No more of this, screw the court system, screw your last words and your last bananas.” The executioner tells him while cranking up the voltage. He flips the switch, and after the smoke settles, he’s STILL sitting there.

They’re dumbfounded, the nation is in shock (hehe). When they ask him how he’s doing it he replies, “well, the bananas didn’t have anything to do with it… I’m just a bad conductor!”

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A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

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A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”

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