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St. Peter V/S Bad Guy At Pearly Gates: Clean Comedy Joke



Joke Title: Alert Thinking

A man’s turn came after waiting in line watching St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Bad guys were going to hell and good guys were heading towards heaven.

“Your resume is blunt, but tell me one thing can you think of ever doing something of reasonable merit?”

St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,”

the man responded with confidence.

“Once, I was on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota,

I came upon a gang of bikers on their way to Sturgis,

Who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face,

kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, “Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!””

St. Peter was impressed,

“Now I don’t see that here, but you seem to have a sharp memory. When did this happened?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, Just a couple of minutes ago!” and man pleaded further,…

“Please don’t send me to hell.”


Simple Clean Comedy Joke Of The Day: The Plumber On Run



A man knocked the door of house.

The lady opened the door.

The man said, “I am the here on the run, to fix your leaky pipe.”

The Lady said, “We don’t have any leaky pipe here.”

The plumber on run, says,

“My note reads, your house called for a Plumbing Emergency, address looks exact, Aren’t you Mrs. Smith?”

The Lady says, “No, Smiths moved away about a year back from this house. We are Johnson.”

The plumber grimaces,

* * * * * * * *

“What kind of people are they, Calls for an Emergency repair and then move away.”

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A pregnant lady.



A pregnant lady.

A lady who was pregnant with triplets was walking down the street one night and got robbed. She refused to give the robber any money so she was shot 3 times in the stomach. Miraculously she and all three children survived. She eventually have birth to two females and one male.

14 years later, her first daughter came up to the lady crying and freaking out. “Mom mom I was peeing and a bullet game out.” The lady calmed her daughter down and explain to her what happened.

A week later her second daughter came up to the lady freaking out. ” mom mom I had my first period and a bullet came out” she calmed her daughter down and explain what happened.

A week after and her son come up to her crying and freaking out. The lady says. “Let me guess… You were peeing and a bullet came out” “No” said the boy ” I was playing with myself and I shot the dog”

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Funny Politician Joke Of The Day: Cannibal Restaurant Menu



A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

Tourist: $5 Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,

“Why such a price difference for the Politician?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

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