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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

Most kids want to become a firefighter or astronaut when they’re older. This man, however, really wanted to become a train conductor. Unfortunately, he gets the job and he loves it. But one particular day, he’s enjoying his job a little too much. He’s driving too fast and accidentally derails the train, killing a passenger!

Bulgaria takes him to court and they find him guilty, sentencing him to death by electrical chair. They ask for his last words and his last meal. He didn’t have much to say, but he did ask for one banana. The executioner, surprised, gave him his banana and sat him down. He pulls the lever, sparks fly and smoke fills the room, and as it clears, he’s still sitting there..

Now, at the time Bulgaria had this superstition: if someone lives their death sentence, it has to be a sign from God. He gets a second chance and he’s back to driving trains.

He’s happy as can be, celebrating his life and things going back to normal. He had a few drinks on the job, details and kills 2 passengers this time. He goes back to court, same deal, found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. They ask for his last words, and once again he doesn’t have anything to say, but asks for 2 bananas this time. Now feeling a bit suspicious, they give him his bananas anyway. Flip the lever, smoke fills the room and sparks fly.. and to their amazement, he’s still sitting there.

Third times the charm right? Well, I guess this guy doesn’t learn his lessons. As you might’ve guessed, he killed 3 this time. The court is fed up with the guy, the people are outraged. “No more of this, screw the court system, screw your last words and your last bananas.” The executioner tells him while cranking up the voltage. He flips the switch, and after the smoke settles, he’s STILL sitting there.

They’re dumbfounded, the nation is in shock (hehe). When they ask him how he’s doing it he replies, “well, the bananas didn’t have anything to do with it… I’m just a bad conductor!”

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Funny All Time Best Women Joke: New Husband Store

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,…

Where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch…

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,..

But you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

She then goes to the second floor,…

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

She thinks for a while, and then goes to the third floor,…

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay,…

But she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Floor 6 – You are visitor no. 43,630,912 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Share this to all men for a good laugh,… and to all the women who can handle the truth!

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

He wanted to find a man who wasn’t afraid of his wife and give him public honors and lavish him with gifts so other men may follow suit.

After some brainstorming in the court the king announced to his subjects that ” if a man comes forward and publically say that he is NOT AFRAID of his wife, then that man will win the best horse from the king’s stables”.

The king waited with with baited breath for someone to come forward. Days passed but nobody came forward. The king was about to lose all hope then suddenly a man came in his court saying that “he was NOT AFRAID of his wife”.

The king was over the moon thinking that there is indeed a real man in his kingdom. He called all his subjects in a big Field and introduced them to the man who was definitely NOT AFRAID of his wife. Everyone applauded in awe as king presented him with the best red horse in his stable.

The man disappointingly looked at the horse. The king was confused. “What is it? You don’t like the horse? “

The man replied, ” actually, if you don’t mind your highness, my wife asked me to bring a white horse “

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly after the second boy arrives. He rings the doorbell and the farmer answers. “My names Heddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer once again decided the boy was ok, so off the kids went.

Finally, the last boy arrives. The farmer goes to the door. “My names Chuck…”

The farmer shot him.

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