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The difference between men and women

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The difference between men and women

A man applies for a job with the FBI.

The interviewer says: “Everything looks good, we just have one test to prove that you’ll take on any task we ask of you.”

He hands the man a semi-automatic handgun.

“Through that door, your wife is tied to a chair. I need you to go in there and shoot her in the back of the head.”

Reluctantly, the man goes in and closes the door. A few moments later, he comes back.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t do it.” he says and they let him and his wife leave.

A woman applies for the same job and is told the same thing. Her husband is tied to a chair in the next room.

She gets up and walks through the door.

The interviewer hears several gunshots and the some heavy grunting from the woman. She comes out of the room, covered in blood.

“This gun was full of blanks, so I had to beat him to death with it!”

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly after the second boy arrives. He rings the doorbell and the farmer answers. “My names Heddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer once again decided the boy was ok, so off the kids went.

Finally, the last boy arrives. The farmer goes to the door. “My names Chuck…”

The farmer shot him.

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The Best Way to Drink Tequila

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The Best Way to Drink Tequila

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything you want.”

The Mexican begins thinking, “Well, I really like drinking tequila.” Finally the Mexican says, “I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila.”

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it’s clear.
Looks like tequila.
Then he smells the liquid.
Smells like tequila.
So he takes a taste and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.
The Mexican yells to his wife, “Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly.”

She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it.
He tells her to drink it.
It is tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip.
It is the best tequila she has ever tasted.
The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard.
He proceeds to fill the two glasses.
The result is the same.
The tequila is excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his wife, “Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila.”

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, “But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?”

Pancho raises the glass and says,
“Because tonight, Mi Amor, you drink from the bottle.”

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That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

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That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

I often wondered why my ancestors ended up in Ohio. I was combing through boxes of paperwork my parents had kept. Some of it dating back to when my great, great grandparents were alive. When they were traveling from the east to find a place to settle, my great, great grandmother became somewhat ill. My great, great grandfather was annoyed and made some comments that she should suck it up so they could continue to travel. She was also annoyed with him and then told him to go on without her and she would catch up with him in a few weeks. Still annoyed and not wanting to make her any madder, he asked her where he should stop and build the homestead. She then answered him by saying, “Stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

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