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The story of Ted

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The story of Ted

Ted was a young boy who used to spend all of his time playing sports and making music. He never went on the computer because his parents forbid him from touching any computer because they knew all the bad stuff you could find on the internet.

Nevertheless, Ted was happy and went on without computers until he got to high school. All his friends were playing video games and having fun and he started to feel a bit left out, so when he got home one day from school, he begged his mother to get him a computer. “Please mother, please, all my friends are playing computer games!” He would cry, but his mother continued to deny him.

1 week later the issue rose again in his friends group at school and everyone was confused why Ted couldn’t play video games with him. After repetitive failure from his mother, he asked his dad. “Please father, please, all my friends are playing it!” But his father denied him as well.

Ted was really angry and all he wanted to do was play online with his friends every once in a while. He thought he’d take matters into his own hands and he stole his fathers computer and hid it in his room. That night he played with his friends for hours and hours until morning, then he secretly stayed home and played all day.

His dad didn’t notice until that afternoon, when he walked into his office and his computer was missing, so he asked his son Ted if he touched it. Ted owned up and gave the computer back, but had a tantrum afterwards. “WHY DON’T I GET TO PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS” he yelled in tears.

Feeling pity, his dad finally bought him a laptop. Ted was on it 10 hours a day and refused when his parents told him to get off. After 2 months nothing had changed and his parents started to get worried about his wellbeing. They approached him to talk about it. Ted agreed, but only if he could play video games whilst they talked.

“So Ted” his mother said, “we’ve been worrying about you lately” “uh-hu” Ted said. “Seriously son!” His father yelled, “this needs to stop!” “Mhm yep” Ted replied. “Are you listening to us Ted?” His mother said, but Ted didn’t even reply. “You know what son?” His father yelled, “you are a dick Ted!”

Jokes

A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly after the second boy arrives. He rings the doorbell and the farmer answers. “My names Heddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer once again decided the boy was ok, so off the kids went.

Finally, the last boy arrives. The farmer goes to the door. “My names Chuck…”

The farmer shot him.

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Jokes

The Best Way to Drink Tequila

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The Best Way to Drink Tequila

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything you want.”

The Mexican begins thinking, “Well, I really like drinking tequila.” Finally the Mexican says, “I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila.”

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it’s clear.
Looks like tequila.
Then he smells the liquid.
Smells like tequila.
So he takes a taste and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.
The Mexican yells to his wife, “Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly.”

She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it.
He tells her to drink it.
It is tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip.
It is the best tequila she has ever tasted.
The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard.
He proceeds to fill the two glasses.
The result is the same.
The tequila is excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his wife, “Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila.”

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, “But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?”

Pancho raises the glass and says,
“Because tonight, Mi Amor, you drink from the bottle.”

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Jokes

That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

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That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

I often wondered why my ancestors ended up in Ohio. I was combing through boxes of paperwork my parents had kept. Some of it dating back to when my great, great grandparents were alive. When they were traveling from the east to find a place to settle, my great, great grandmother became somewhat ill. My great, great grandfather was annoyed and made some comments that she should suck it up so they could continue to travel. She was also annoyed with him and then told him to go on without her and she would catch up with him in a few weeks. Still annoyed and not wanting to make her any madder, he asked her where he should stop and build the homestead. She then answered him by saying, “Stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

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