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There was an elderly man whose efforts to get his young wife pregnant had failed.

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There was an elderly man whose efforts to get his young wife pregnant had failed.

So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.

The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day with an empty specimen cup.

The doctor asked, “What was the problem?”

The elderly man replied, “Well, I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand..nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth….still nothing.

On hearing this the doctor said, “Wait a minute! You mean your wife’s friend tried too?”

The elderly man responded, “Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off that damn cup!”

Jokes

A guy is eating breakfast with his wife….

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A guy is eating breakfast with his wife….

When he hears a knock at the door, he gets up and opens the door and sees two people

“You need to be saved!” the first person at the door says

“Get outta here with that bullsh*t” the guy says

“But sir, if you don’t get saved, you’ll burn!” the second person says

“I don’t give a rats ass, now scram!”

The guy slams the door, goes back to the table and opens his newspaper

“Who was at the door, dear?” His wife asked

“A couple of fireman”

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Jokes

Five Deadly Terms Used by a Woman

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Five Deadly Terms Used by a Woman

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut-up.

Nothing: Means ‘something’ & you need to be worried.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, do not do it.

Whatever: A woman’s way of saying screw you.

That’s Okay: She is thinking long & hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

BONUS WORD: Wow!

This is not a compliment, she’s amazed that one person could be so stupid.

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A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

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A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next morning.

A twenty-foot fence was put up.

Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,

“How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!”

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