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Top 15 Clean Short Family Jokes: Quick Laugh In 5 Minutes



Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don’t know maths.

Ted: You don’t know my father!

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum?

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.

If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.

The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It’s mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn’t say anything.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.

Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Teacher: Simon, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?

Simon: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Teacher: “Where were u born?”

Student: ” Singapore , Sir.”

Teacher: “Which part?”

Student: “All of me, Sir.”

A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?”

Only one hand shot up.

“Ok, answer, Joan” said the teacher.

“‘unlawful’ is when you do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.”

Teacher: “How come you do not comb your hair?”

Ah Kow: “No comb, Sir.”

Teacher: “Use your dad’s then.”

Ah Kow: “No hair, Sir.”

A boy came home from school with his exam results.

“What did you get?” asked his father.

“My marks are under water,” said the boy.

“What do you mean ‘under water’?”

“They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level”


The boy with no name.



The boy with no name.

There once was a boy with no name. He went to school one day and his teacher asked for his name to witch the boy sadly replied, “I don’t know ma’am.” The boy went home crying because he didn’t know his own name, so he went to ask his mother.

His mother had a pair of really big boobs that touched the cutting board she was using. Suddenly the boy crept up on her and cried loudly, “MOMMY WHAT’S MY NAME!?” The boy’s mother was startled and accidentally chopped off both of her nipples. She screamed, “MY TITTIES!!!” As she bled all over the place. The boy was satisfied and said, “thanks Mommy!” As he skipped away.

The next day at school the boy proudly announced that his name was My Titties. On that day no one played with the boy on recess making his teacher feel bad for him. So she announced, “if no one plays with my titties this instant I’ll force you inside and make sure your punished!”

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Simple Clean Comedy Joke: American Couple V/S African Boy



Joke Title: No Untruth

One American Couple went to Africa for their Honeymoon.

While walking on the countryside they saw one beautiful lake.

There was one little boy standing and enjoying the atmosphere on the bank.

They asked him whether there are any sharks in the lake.

He said: “No”.

They jumped in the lake but after few minutes they got suspicious.

They came back and asked the boy,…

“Are you sure there are no sharks ?”

He replied:

* * * * * * *

“Believe me, Sharks don’t come where there are Crocodiles”.

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Funny Bad Nurse Joke Of The Day: Size – Does It Matter?



A young man was so paranoid about the size of his penis that he could never work up the courage to have sex.

Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.

One fine evening, they went back to her place.

She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom.

Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.

“Don’t worry,” She said.

“I’m a nurse. I won’t laugh.”

Blushing the man drops his trousers.

“It’s OK,” she said.

“I’ve seen lots smaller than that.”

“Really?” the relieved man asked.

She nodded. “Yes,” she chuckled,

* * * * * *

“I used to work in the maternity unit.”

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