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Two drunks are talking in a bar…

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Two drunks are talking in a bar…

The first one says “You know what’s weird about city hall? When they built it they didn’t take into account wind loads. We get so much wind here the top floor rocks back and forth 20 feet”

The second one says “yeah, but because of that wind you can jump off the roof of the building across the street, and the wind will catch you and blow you right back to the top.”

“Bullshit! You’re having me on.”

“It’s true!”

They argue back and forth for a while until the second drunk slams down his glass and says “I’ll prove it.”

They stagger across the street to the other building and climb the stairs to the roof.

Second drunk: “Watch!”

Before the first drunk can stop him, he jumps off the roof. He plunges several storeys but then – swoosh! – he soars right back up and drops gracefully back onto the roof.

The first drunk stand there, his mouth hanging open in amazement. “I’ve gotta try this!” He leaps off the building,plunges, and… splat.

The second drunk shrugs and goes back to the bar.

As he walks in alone, with a crowd gathering around the body of the first drunk across the street, the bartender looks at him and shakes his head.

“You make a mean drunk, Superman.”

Jokes

Funny All Time Best Women Joke: New Husband Store

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,…

Where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch…

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,..

But you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

She then goes to the second floor,…

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

She thinks for a while, and then goes to the third floor,…

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay,…

But she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Floor 6 – You are visitor no. 43,630,912 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Share this to all men for a good laugh,… and to all the women who can handle the truth!

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

He wanted to find a man who wasn’t afraid of his wife and give him public honors and lavish him with gifts so other men may follow suit.

After some brainstorming in the court the king announced to his subjects that ” if a man comes forward and publically say that he is NOT AFRAID of his wife, then that man will win the best horse from the king’s stables”.

The king waited with with baited breath for someone to come forward. Days passed but nobody came forward. The king was about to lose all hope then suddenly a man came in his court saying that “he was NOT AFRAID of his wife”.

The king was over the moon thinking that there is indeed a real man in his kingdom. He called all his subjects in a big Field and introduced them to the man who was definitely NOT AFRAID of his wife. Everyone applauded in awe as king presented him with the best red horse in his stable.

The man disappointingly looked at the horse. The king was confused. “What is it? You don’t like the horse? “

The man replied, ” actually, if you don’t mind your highness, my wife asked me to bring a white horse “

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly after the second boy arrives. He rings the doorbell and the farmer answers. “My names Heddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer once again decided the boy was ok, so off the kids went.

Finally, the last boy arrives. The farmer goes to the door. “My names Chuck…”

The farmer shot him.

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