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Vampire Hunters

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Vampire Hunters

So 2 vampire hunters, a master and his apprentice, were on the trail of an especially evil and clever vampire. They came across a group of people they knew the vampire was hiding among

The apprentice wondered if they had enough garlic to check every one to see if he was the vampire, but the master said he had a simpler solution. He went up to each person and asked them to count to 5. The 4th man said “one, nose, three, four, five”. The old master took out his sword and decapitated the vampire, who promptly turned to dust

” Master, how did you know?”

“Easy, he used ‘nose’ for a two”

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Funny Non-Veg Short Dirty Joke: Naughty Dentist V/S Nervous Woman

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A nervous young lady sat on a dentist’s chair to get her tooth extracted,..

Seeing too many instruments she got frightened.

“Doctor, I would much rather have a baby than my tooth pulled out.”

The dentist retorted :

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Well make up your mind, … so that I can adjust the chair accordingly”. [:)]

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Funny Wise Rabbi In Small Town Joke: A Cow From Alberta

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The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars.

Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening;

“Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked,

“Did you buy this cow from Alberta?”

The people were dumbfounded.

They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?”

* * * * * * * * * *

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”

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Miss Wilson is teaching her class of 1st graders basic human anatomy…

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Miss Wilson is teaching her class of 1st graders basic human anatomy…

The teacher aimed her pointer at the female anatomy chart.

“Now class, does anyone know what these are called?” the teacher asked.

“I know! I know!” exclaimed the teacher’s pet, Janie, sitting in the first row. “Those are breasts! My mommy has two of those, and she says some day I will too!”

“Very good Janie, you are correct.” said the teacher. “Now,” Miss Wilson continued, aiming the pointer lower, “who can tell me what this is?”

“I know! I know!” Janie shouted. “That’s a virginia. My mommy has one and it’s where I was born!”

“Very good Janie! Only, it’s pronounced VA-GI-NA. Virginia is one of the original 13 colonies, and is now a state in our country.” Miss Wilson corrected.

Turning to the male anatomy chart, the teacher aimed her pointer and asked “Does anyone know what we call this?”

“I know! I know Miss Wilson! That’s a penis! My daddy has two of those!” Janie proclaimed.

“Well Janie, you are right, it is a penis, but unless he has a birth defect, I’m pretty sure your daddy only has one of them.” the teacher explained.

Janie stood up, defiant. “Nuh-uh Miss Wilson! I know! My daddy doesn’t have any birth effects! And he has TWO penises. He has a little one he pees with, and he has a BIG one he brushes mommy’s teeth with!”

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