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You remind me of dog poo.

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You remind me of dog poo.

So a while back I was walking down a sidewalk with a friend of mine when we saw some dog poo someone had skidded in.

I said “Well, that’s how you know someone is having a bad day, finding a three feet long dog turd smear with the word Nike at the end.” to which my friend replied “It would have been worse if it said Lewis” and we both had a good laugh at that.

Months later I walk down a sidewalk on my own and come across another smeared dog turd which made me think back to the conversation with my friend and I started giggling.

Now I don’t know what the guy waiting for the bus thought of it, he saw me come walking down the sidewalk, discover the smeared turd and start grinning like an idiot – but he might just have been thinking something about some people having a weird sense of humor.

When I got home I called my friend and told him about it, we had a laugh and agreed that basically I’d called to say “I saw some dog poo today and it reminded me of you.”.

Jokes

Funny Corny Husband Wife Short Joke: Weight Watchers

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Mrs. Speidell, who was a little on the chubby side,

Was at her weight-watchers meeting.

“My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure.”

she lamented to the woman next to her.

“Well,” the lady replied,

“What’s wrong with that?”

* * * * * * * *

“He likes to do it while I’m stuck at these damn meetings.”

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Funny Clean Health Joke: Doctor v/s Elderly Woman’s Demand

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Joke Title: 20 Years

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.

“Doctor,” she pleaded with her cardiologist,

“You must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild’s bar mitzvah.”

“We’ll try,” he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor.

“My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding.”

“We’ll do our best,” he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter’s wedding.

Ten years passed.

Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously.

One morning she called him. “Doctor,” she began,

“I’m feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson’s bar mitzvah?”

“Yes.”

“And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter’s wedding?”

“Yes.”

“Well, as you know I’ve just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress.”

“Yes?”

* * * * * * * *

“It has a 20-year guarantee…”

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Husband Wife Simple Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time

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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,..

so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered,

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

* * * * * * * *

“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

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